Thursday 30 July 2009

SILLY WEEK Continues

The European Commission

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with"z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl

Copyright © 2005 by [SILICONHELL.COM]. All rights reserved.



Anonymous said...

An oldie but a goodie.

Definitely worth resurrecting. :)

LL said...

I hadn't heard this one before.


Barking Spider said...

Didn't realise it was an oldie, Fausty, and like you, LL, this is the first time I've seen it.

Snarky Basterd said...

Thanks for trotting out a personal favorite, Spiderdude. I've gotten that in email a time or two. It seems to get better each time I read it.

Barking Spider said...

And how appropriate it is over here, Dr. Dave. I notice now that the date is 2005 which obviously explains why you guys have all seen it before.

Anonymous said...


To keep in that spirit, we are calling our nation "Amerika" until 2012 ...

but no longer!!

Barking Spider said...

And only until 2012, I hope, DC.

Opus #6 said...

Oh, really made me laugh. I had not seen this yet. See, it's always worth posting good stuff.

Anonymous said...

It should be a mixture of all languages EngWelFreGerSpaSweinish.

Anonymous said...

A good one

Jon Lishman said...

Love it, BS.

Barking Spider said...

Thanks Opie, HFF, CB & D, I thought it summed up our present situation in a nutshell.

John M Ward said...

Yes, it is old, but has changed in detail over the years.

I read what might have been the original (or "sertainly" a much earlier version) in a Reader's Digest Junior Omnibus nearly fifty years ago(!)

Barking Spider said...

That makes it a lot older than I ever would have imagined, John M.

North Northwester said...

Why is anyone surprised that something old could be good?!

Huh, guys? 'Conservative!'

And I've never seen it before, but then I only just started using the internet a couple of years ago when they proved that it didn't cause communism.

Barking Spider said...

I agree, NNW, lots of old things are good. I've only been properly on the internet myself since last December, which is why I hadn't seen it before. Previously I'd only ever used my mate's dial-up computer connection and I couldn't get into it - my hair grows faster than that!